By Tor and his Technicolour Dreamcoat

I was going to go and see The Melvins. Yes, THE Melvins, so-called godfathers of grunge – coming at you live and direct from Refuel right here in Dunners. I thought I was going to have another gig to write about but unfortunately I got hammered the previous night at a wedding, and felt too fragile to leave the house. Arses! Anyway, it would have probably been too loud, and half empty because there weren’t any posters and Dunedin students probably haven’t the faintest idea who the Melvins is anyhow.

Anyway, to satiate my craving to write more shit on the interweb, whilst keeping this blog vaguely on-topic, I thought I’d do show and tell. Today, class, I have brought in a coat. Not just any coat though, a special coat, a magic coat, a wondrous coat of many colours that exudes the essence of pure rock and roll, nay pure metal. See how it shines so. See the quality of the stitchwork, the classic lines, the symmetry of the studs. Sure beats birds nests, sea shells and interesting rocks, do it not? Sure, you may touch it, but wash hands first and don’t be ripping it none.

Full metal jacket (back)
Full metal jacket (back)

A little background: This jacket started life as a revolting stonewashed denim monstrosity, more than likely purchased from Top Man, Guildford High St, circa 1984. Undoubtedly quite fashionable at the time, its baggy sleeves were presumably meant to be worn pushed up, and the collar turned up too, accompanied by tight jeans and espadrilles. Sans socks, obviously. All topped off with a pair of black Raybans. Anyway, enough of that nonsense.

I metalled it. I metalled it good. I ripped the heinous sleeves off, dyed it proper denim colour and took a trip to East West in Guildford to get me some patches. I must have stood at the counter for hours, sifting through the basket of assorted patches, studs and badges, trying to decide which to spend my hard-earned paper-round money on. I sowed them all on by myself too. Books, Bits & Bobs in Kingston and Kensington Indoor Market were also plundered for heavy metal patch coolness. I’m pretty sure the empty space on the shoulder was formerly occupied by Hawkwind, which was removed in my ‘post-metal’ period, to be given pride of place on a ratty old army surplus canvas knapsack.

Full metal jacket (front)
Full metal jacket (front)

I’m quite certain there will never again be an occasion when a sane human being would want to wear this jacket, save for a 80s metal themed fancy dress party, but I can never dispose of it. Not ever.

p.s. Available for hire (ideal for 80s theme parties etc). POA.

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One thought on “By Tor and his Technicolour Dreamcoat

  1. bytorandthesnowdog April 25, 2011 / 1:01 am

    ** Stop Press **

    I actually saw, with my own eyes, a very similar garment in South Dunedin just yesterday. It was being modelled by a particularly boganoid gentleman, with missing teeth and facial tattooes and carrying a bottle of strong cider. His patches were mainly proclaiming his appreciation of the heavy rock band Slayer.

    I wasn’t allowed to stop the car and engage him in conversation so I’ll never know if he sewed his patches on or got his mum to do it.

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